With the new year desperate to make its presence known, I can’t procrastinate for one more day, and realise it is time to dust off the to do lists and goals I made around Christmas time last year and groan, slowly comprehending the truth that there were very few actually pursued and less with any intent to complete.

Fear not gentle heart! For I ALSO make a solid list for my Anti Resolutions and can wholeheartedly announce I achieved every one of them.

For many years, I have participated in an Anti Resolution campaign, firstly with writers in Write Stuff, then to its successor, Write Anything; finally with Today’s Author, made partially from a group of writers who have known each other from these writing sites. It is a lighthearted look at the promises we solemnly make each year at this time.

The main idea is to commit to NOT doing something. I wrote a number of writing related Anti Resolutions, but also general ones too. Some of my last year’s included avoiding the gym, not shoving children out of the way to get first in line to see Santa and not succumbing to the desperate need to pull up the pants of all the young people who, for some inexplicable reason, are unable to find trousers the correct size and must wear them with the crouches dangerously round their knees.

Why not try a list of your own?

1. In 2015, I will refrain from answering my phone with Dorothy Parker quotes. (My current favoured one is “What fresh hell is this?”)
2. I shall resist the urge to fill my pockets with glitter and whenever someone says something mind numbingly idiotic, reach into my pocket and release a shower of glittering stupid over their head.
3. Should the above person continue to expect an answer, I shall refrain from responding with a seven minute interpretive dance.
4. I will not run for a  political or parliamentary position, despite my belief that a  six year old monkey is more likely to do a better job than those in power at the moment.
5. I will leave behind my black permanent markers when I go shopping, so that I am not tempted to correct punctuation and misspelt signs.
6. I will limit my eye twitches when, in conversation someone utilises the word, “irregardless”, “agsts” me a question, attempts their “upmost’ or uses “for intensive purposes” in a statement.
7. I will stop relying on spellcheck and autocorrect as my proofreaders after publishing comments on Facebook too embarrassing to repeat.
8. I will refrain from sitting in coffeeshops all day and recording conversions around me for future character building. (and will stop taking photographs of said strangers for same)
9. I will limit my ‘research’ on google to specific goal orientated subjects, rather than be swept way with interesting articles on medieval dentistry tools.
10. I will limit immediate desire to call a conspiracy for every news report discussing the discovery of a new virus, social breakdown, internet glitch or spammy email I come across. 
11. I will STOP buying gorgeous blank and lined notebooks.. and begin to USE the pile of beautiful, gilded, leatherbound ones I have filled with extra thick paper for the purpose they were given; to write in; rather than to gather dust for a time I believe I have something worthy of writing in them.

As for personal Anti Resolutions,

1. I resolve not to be hit by a car, train, bus or other heavy, fast moving vehicle.
2. I will not take up paddle surfing.
3. I will avoid gyms, stretchy lycra and sweat pants.
4. I will not become addicted to Dom Perignon
5. I will continue to ignore all calls from Johnny Depp
6. I will refuse to admit to my obsession over men in kilts.
7. I’ve forgotten what I was talking about, something with muscly bare-chested  blokes in kilts?

No matter how you choose to close the events for 2014 and welcome the energies and opportunities for the new year, may they greet you gently and carry you to success.

With the new year still in its infancy, its time to dust off the lists we all made about a year ago and groan, realising that there were very few actually pursued and less with any intent to complete.

For many years, I have participated in an Anti Resolution campaign, firstly with writers in Write Stuff, then to its successor, Write Anything; finally with Todays Author, made partially from a group of writers who have known each other from these writing sites. It is a light hearted look at the promises we solemnly make each year at this time. The main idea is to commit to NOT doing something. Why not try a list of your own?

1. I will not enter stationary shops under the pretence that I am buying journals, fountain pens or glittery anything in order to coax my muse out to write.  I already have drawers full of magnificent leather bound journals which I have deemed far to pretty to write my rubbishy thoughts down into.
2. I will not push my children to the front of the line in order to see fairy lights and Christmas displays, squealing with delight when Santa comes out. Although they edge away from me now rolling their eyes, they still can’t escape my steely grip. It is all for the kids, after all.
3. I resolve to continue my avoidance of gyms, running tracks and exercise programs; after all, statistically 100% of people who exercise regularly also die.  I don’t like those odds much.
4. I will continue to stay up too late, continue to connect with other writers round the world in the name of networking and moan loudly in the mornings when I have to get up. This resolution works nicely with number 1 as I can compare unused writing journals with other authors and swap writers bock solutions as an extra avoidance technique to actually write.
5. I will not carry chalk or permanent markers around in order to correct common signage faults, which I believe form the basis of the disintegration of our language. I will leave signs which shout “4 sale”, “your so great” , when “who’s” and “whose” are swapped indiscriminately and the over usage of double negatives.
6. I will not offer the answer to peoples questioning looks when they look at my business card – announcing that I am a Writer and a Thaumaturg. Nor will I look apologetic when they don’t understand my sense of humour when I attempt to explain it. Get a dictionary, you uneducated plebs.
7. I will continue my avoidance of rushing over to teenage boys and offering to buy them a belt for their ever-lowering pants. I couple this with my resistance in contacting fashion manufacturers to demand the return of braces for said teenage boys, and the ban of all fluro material.
8. I will not indulge in writers block thoughout 2014. After all, I have a stack of pretty journals and enough glitter pens to arm a small platoon of tweenage girls; not to mention countless tips on how to overcome said writers block.
9. I resolve to continue not to stress about getting a real job and settling down. Anyone can work 9 – 5 behind a desk for a big corporation or stand in front of a class in a public school, allowing their life and creativity to be sucked dry by the emotional vampires haunting the hallways, meetings and boardrooms. Instead my kids and I have no plans as we travel around Europe, bouncing from one menial job to the next, not knowing where we will be the next week. This sort of gypsy existence will not only build character, as if I need any more of that, but should boot said writers block in the pants (or at least provide fodder for a short story).

Perhaps to get you going, you’d like to gather some despair from this site; specialising in demotivation posters.

I wish you and your writing every success as the new year continues.