Annie’s Anti- Resolutions for 2015

With the new year desperate to make its presence known, I can’t procrastinate for one more day, and realise it is time to dust off the to do lists and goals I made around Christmas time last year and groan, slowly comprehending the truth that there were very few actually pursued and less with any intent to complete.

Fear not gentle heart! For I ALSO make a solid list for my Anti Resolutions and can wholeheartedly announce I achieved every one of them.

For many years, I have participated in an Anti Resolution campaign, firstly with writers in Write Stuff, then to its successor, Write Anything; finally with Today’s Author, made partially from a group of writers who have known each other from these writing sites. It is a lighthearted look at the promises we solemnly make each year at this time.

The main idea is to commit to NOT doing something. I wrote a number of writing related Anti Resolutions, but also general ones too. Some of my last year’s included avoiding the gym, not shoving children out of the way to get first in line to see Santa and not succumbing to the desperate need to pull up the pants of all the young people who, for some inexplicable reason, are unable to find trousers the correct size and must wear them with the crouches dangerously round their knees.

Why not try a list of your own?

  1. In 2015, I will refrain from answering my phone with Dorothy Parker quotes. (My current favoured one is “What fresh hell is this?”)
  2. I shall resist the urge to fill my pockets with glitter and whenever someone says something mind numbingly idiotic, reach into my pocket and release a shower of glittering stupid over their head.
  3. Should the above person continue to expect an answer, I shall refrain from responding with a seven minute interpretive dance.
  4. I will not run for a  political or parliamentary position, despite my belief that a  six year old monkey is more likely to do a better job than those in power at the moment.
  5. I will leave behind my black permanent markers when I go shopping, so that I am not tempted to correct punctuation and misspelt signs.
  6. I will limit my eye twitches when, in conversation someone utilises the word, “irregardless”, “agsts” me a question, attempts their “upmost’ or uses “for intensive purposes” in a statement.
  7. I will stop relying on spellcheck and autocorrect as my proofreaders after publishing comments on Facebook too embarrassing to repeat.
  8. I will refrain from sitting in coffeeshops all day and recording conversions around me for future character building. (and will stop taking photographs of said strangers for same)
  9. I will limit my ‘research’ on google to specific goal orientated subjects, rather than be swept way with interesting articles on medieval dentistry tools.
  10. I will limit immediate desire to call a conspiracy for every news report discussing the discovery of a new virus, social breakdown, internet glitch or spammy email I come across. 
  11. I will STOP buying gorgeous blank and lined notebooks.. and begin to USE the pile of beautiful, gilded, leatherbound ones I have filled with extra thick paper for the purpose they were given; to write in; rather than to gather dust for a time I believe I have something worthy of writing in them.

As for personal Anti Resolutions,

  1. I resolve not to be hit by a car, train, bus or other heavy, fast moving vehicle.
  2. I will not take up paddle surfing.
  3. I will avoid gyms, stretchy lycra and sweat pants.
  4. I will not become addicted to Dom Perignon
  5. I will continue to ignore all calls from Johnny Depp
  6. I will refuse to admit to my obsession over men in kilts.
  7. I’ve forgotten what I was talking about, something with muscly bare-chested  blokes in kilts?

No matter how you choose to close the events for 2014 and welcome the energies and opportunities for the new year, may they greet you gently and carry you to success.

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3 thoughts on “Annie’s Anti- Resolutions for 2015

  1. #4 resonated. If I complain about the government, I should be willing to help. But, they eat their young.

  2. Good list! I’m not sure I could do #8 though… the people in coffee shops are fascinating. This morning, someone came in wearing a pink and white piggie “hoddie-foottie” pajama thing (complete with tail and ears)… and work boots. She had a couple police officers in front of her and someone from the EMS squad behind her. Oh the stories that could be drawn from that line waiting to order the morning coffees. I wish I’d have had the nerve to actually take the picture.

  3. I suspect you will be successful! As for me, I intend to run for office.
    No, wait, that isn’t it – I intend to run around like a crazy person.
    No, wait, isn’t that the same thing?

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