Annie’s Anti-Resolutions for 2014

With the new year still in its infancy, its time to dust off the lists we all made about a year ago and groan, realising that there were very few actually pursued and less with any intent to complete.

For many years, I have participated in an Anti Resolution campaign, firstly with writers in Write Stuff, then to its successor, Write Anything; finally with Todays Author, made partially from a group of writers who have known each other from these writing sites. It is a light hearted look at the promises we solemnly make each year at this time. The main idea is to commit to NOT doing something. Why not try a list of your own?

  1. I will not enter stationary shops under the pretence that I am buying journals, fountain pens or glittery anything in order to coax my muse out to write.  I already have drawers full of magnificent leather bound journals which I have deemed far to pretty to write my rubbishy thoughts down into.
  2. I will not push my children to the front of the line in order to see fairy lights and Christmas displays, squealing with delight when Santa comes out. Although they edge away from me now rolling their eyes, they still can’t escape my steely grip. It is all for the kids, after all.
  3. I resolve to continue my avoidance of gyms, running tracks and exercise programs; after all, statistically 100% of people who exercise regularly also die.  I don’t like those odds much.
  4. I will continue to stay up too late, continue to connect with other writers round the world in the name of networking and moan loudly in the mornings when I have to get up. This resolution works nicely with number 1 as I can compare unused writing journals with other authors and swap writers bock solutions as an extra avoidance technique to actually write.
  5. I will not carry chalk or permanent markers around in order to correct common signage faults, which I believe form the basis of the disintegration of our language. I will leave signs which shout “4 sale”, “your so great” , when “who’s” and “whose” are swapped indiscriminately and the over usage of double negatives.
  6. I will not offer the answer to peoples questioning looks when they look at my business card – announcing that I am a Writer and a Thaumaturg. Nor will I look apologetic when they don’t understand my sense of humour when I attempt to explain it. Get a dictionary, you uneducated plebs.
  7. I will continue my avoidance of rushing over to teenage boys and offering to buy them a belt for their ever-lowering pants. I couple this with my resistance in contacting fashion manufacturers to demand the return of braces for said teenage boys, and the ban of all fluro material.
  8. I will not indulge in writers block thoughout 2014. After all, I have a stack of pretty journals and enough glitter pens to arm a small platoon of tweenage girls; not to mention countless tips on how to overcome said writers block.
  9. I resolve to continue not to stress about getting a real job and settling down. Anyone can work 9 – 5 behind a desk for a big corporation or stand in front of a class in a public school, allowing their life and creativity to be sucked dry by the emotional vampires haunting the hallways, meetings and boardrooms. Instead my kids and I have no plans as we travel around Europe, bouncing from one menial job to the next, not knowing where we will be the next week. This sort of gypsy existence will not only build character, as if I need any more of that, but should boot said writers block in the pants (or at least provide fodder for a short story).

Perhaps to get you going, you’d like to gather some despair from this site; specialising in demotivation posters.

I wish you and your writing every success as the new year continues.


7 thoughts on “Annie’s Anti-Resolutions for 2014

  1. I think about #3 every morning at 4:37 when I get up to trudge to the gym. “Why do I do this?” I ask…

  2. I like 5. I think I’ll start doing that.

  3. anything before 6 am is simply not human…..urgghhh

  4. I’m guility of having too many notebooks I think are too nice to write in, too.

  5. Oh Annie, I loved your anti-resolutions! They were so funny I became inspired to write mine, too. I actually do more and do it better when I make NO resolutions at all. So I’ve resolved to stay away from doing so and just see how things move. In this 21st century, any tiny victory I can get is HUGE! I hope you don’t mind my borrowing your 1,3,4,5,7,and 9. How great!

  6. I’m definitely with you on No 8 😀

  7. I will not combine your #5, the permanent markers, with your #7, the boys whose pants are falling down. No, no, I will not be tempted to use the markers to color in the bare areas where the pants should be. No, I will not. Oh, OK, maybe I’m tempted, just a little, to cover them up and impart a little modesty. Just a little modesty. Any of those markers have ink in them?

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